Picture: the greatest public speaker ever (right) and a guy named Obama (left)

President Obama returned to the campaign trail this week and it was fantastic to see his teleprompter back on the big stage. That thing followed him everywhere for eight years – even when speaking to an elementary school class one time because, you know, words are hard n’ stuff. It wouldn’t be an Obama speech without the TP and his other most powerful weapon, talking about himself. A little rusty, he only managed to refer to himself a mere 102 times in 64 minutes. Like anything though, give him time to get back into the groove and he will boost those rookie numbers.

During his self-indulgent me-me-me session, Obama promised to hit the campaign trail for Dems in the lead up to the midterms. Given the fact that he oversaw the loss of 1,042 Democratic seats during his eight years, this might be about as welcome as Hillary inviting you to watch her try on bikinis.

I for one welcome the return of his telepromptership. Usually a phrase that suits here is ‘things can’t get any worse’, but give him time. [And, end speech. Turn, smile, wave, walk off, don’t mention you’re a communist, and hold Michelle’s hand – Yes! You have to!]

A meme circulating Facebook this past week lists the following stats: 48% of households are single mothers, and 78% of schools teachers are female, meaning that nearly half our boys are being raised by women and almost 80% are being educated by them. The meme goes on to state that it isn’t toxic masculinity that’s the problem, the issue is the absence of masculinity. Dig a little deeper though, and you realize that more than 50% of households are missing a masculine influence with working long hours, working away from home, and serving overseas. This makes it even harder for women to dodge their part in the current crisis with boys and identity. If you’re raising them, then you’re the problem. Stop demonizing men and blaming them for your failings. Maybe Milo is right, feminism is cancer.

83% of executives say business is better under Trump, and 76% see more growth on the way. So naturally this means it’s time for the media to collectively go, “Quick! Look over there – Russians!”

Picture: Hillary trying – and failing – to hide a back brace in May, 2018.

At Aretha Franklin’s funeral, Hillary Clinton had to be helped on stage by two people. After falling down stairs twice in India, and needing help into her van during the 2016 campaign, it’s a safe bet to say that everyone – bar Hillary – knows that her chances of running again in 2020 are dashed. Yet, run again she will because she feels entitled to the White House. It’s going to be interesting to watch her campaign come up with variations on hiding her inability to walk unassisted, like the equivalent of placing a handbag in front of an actress to disguise a pregnancy. Come to think of it, I’m all for her running again now. It’s going to make great television.

Picture: ‘Hey look at me! I’m over 40, dress like a teenager, swear and yell, yet people don’t seem to take me seriously. It’s not fair!

African-American cultural mis-appropriater Eminem has, according to the tabloids, reignited his feud with President Trump. Since when was President Trump in a feud with this wigger? This has been totally one-sided, with Eminem – who has jumped the shark on his illustrious rap career – almost begging for attention from the President. Eminem seems so desperate to cut into Trump’s domination of popular culture – just to boost his fading star – repeatedly bad-mouthing him on stage and now rapping about him on his new surprise album. (I believe ‘surprise album’ is a music industry euphemism for ‘No point marketing this piece of shit’.) The best part of Eminem stomping his feet like the Napoleon-complex angry half-ling that he is, is that Trump ignores his cries for attention, which must really eat into his massive ego. Stick to what you’re good at Marhsall, flagrantly ripping off black culture without any reparations for your theft.