Picture: ‘Hey look at me! I’m over 40, dress like a teenager, swear and yell, yet people don’t seem to take me seriously. It’s not fair!

African-American cultural mis-appropriater Eminem has, according to the tabloids, reignited his feud with President Trump. Since when was President Trump in a feud with this wigger? This has been totally one-sided, with Eminem – who has jumped the shark on his illustrious rap career – almost begging for attention from the President. Eminem seems so desperate to cut into Trump’s domination of popular culture – just to boost his fading star – repeatedly bad-mouthing him on stage and now rapping about him on his new surprise album. (I believe ‘surprise album’ is a music industry euphemism for ‘No point marketing this piece of shit’.) The best part of Eminem stomping his feet like the Napoleon-complex angry half-ling that he is, is that Trump ignores his cries for attention, which must really eat into his massive ego. Stick to what you’re good at Marhsall, flagrantly ripping off black culture without any reparations for your theft.

While interviewing John Kerry about a possible 2020 Presidential run – which is hilarious in itself – CBS news stated that one of his key regrets was choosing running mate John Edwards who was, and I quote, “later caught up in a sex scandal”. John Edwards not only had a mistress during the 2008 campaign, but she gave birth during this time, yet the mainstream press only caught up with these facts ‘later’. Strange that they could find a tape on President Trump during his campaign which was 11 years old, but what was happening right under their noses went unnoticed by major media outlets. It’s almost as if CBS favour liberal candidates, isn’t that right, “Future President Kerry?”

A common occurrence in sport is the firing of a poor performing coach, an occurrence almost always proceeded by the club proclaiming that person has, “The full support of the club” just days before their firing. Well, prosecutors Ryan Dickey and Brian Richardson have abruptly left the Mueller investigation. Spokesman for the investigation, Peter Carr, said it had nothing to do with “political allegations, the appearance of bias or any other wrongdoing” which, when translated, means it had everything to do with, “political allegations, the appearance of bias or any other wrongdoing.” An interesting development. It seems Mueller’s been studying President Trump so long he’s starting to mimic him. I only hope he’s more careful paying off porn stars.

Senator McCain’s final act was to not invite his running mate, Sarah Palin, to his funeral. What a classless move. She energised his White House run and increased interest in the plodding, low-energy affair he called a campaign. Without her, he would not have done as well and he should have been grateful. Unlike Trump, the media left her bruised and battered and he should have stood up for her but he didn’t. Fuck that guy.

I watched Lauren Southern’s documentary ‘Farmlands’ last night, focusing on the seizure of white farmers land in South Africa (and often their brutal murders as well). An interesting situation, particularly as it shadows Zimbabwe who have come out the other side of the same problem – same problem being after they’d killed a number of the white farmers they realised they needed them and invited the remaining ones back. I imagine it was a hard pass on that RSVP.

The documentary begins with an unresolved question in the viewers mind, is Lauren Southern hot or not? It’s hard to tell at the start, especially when she decides to revisit/rewrite South Africa’s history with what she calls ‘settlement’. According to her, the settlers landed and made a deal with the locals, a deal the locals went back on. But because a deals a deal, hundreds of years later – ignoring that pesky little bit of suffering under Apartheid – the land totally belongs to the whites. Which is like saying Native Americans have no claim to American land, “Because we gave them blankets damn it!”

Regardless, a horrible situation and well done to her for covering this issue. Two take aways. One, the cameraman needed to clean his lens. And two, I dunno, she’s kinda sorta hot, maybe?